Post fourty four: She found the light 

Authors note :

This post marks the ending of Zaneerahs character…I myself am very sad to end of her character , I hope I did justice to her character and more importantly I hope you’ll enjoyed her as a character. 

Let me know what you think of her ending and her character development through out the blog ..

Next post whenever that will be, will hopefully be on Yaasir or laylaa

Lots of love :

Ayesha ❤ 

                _____________________

As narrated by Zaneerah :

My life in high school was a roller coaster and a half, filled with challenges that seemed almost impossible to overcome but don’t all challenges and problems feel impossible to overcome until we actually conquer them? 

They always told me that there is light at the end of the dark tunnel but I just couldn’t see it and at one point I had lost all hope of ever seeing the light again.

I gave up the hope of me ever being the old bright, crazy, unpredictable and positive me. Loneliness is a killing feeling, it’s acidic to your soul eats away at your peace and happiness slowly and surely away.

It’s easy to blame people, circumstances and situations for your sadness because finding faults is others is always easier to do than to find the faults within yourself. In highschool and even after I had troubled emotions and behavior because I never truly saw the faults within myself I never stopped blaming people and situations I never set myself free from my problems. When you start to find the faults within yourself you either learn to fix them if they negative or you learn to accept that you are human and you have flaws just as you have talents.

In my life I lost people alot of people, people who I thought would never leave. People I thought I would grow old with, people who I thought I couldn’t live without.People who my world revolved around.

Everyone according to me needs a bestfriend or bestfriends because I know without one life is boring, incomplete and lonely utterly and bitterly lonely. When you have friends but not a single bestfriend you are left with the horrible sinking feeling that everyone has a friend who they would choose over all their other friends and when you don’t have a bestfriend you realize you have no one that would choose you over others. You feel like you just a burden on people, you feel like people may care but nobody cares enough. 

I always smiled, came across as if not having many friends or a bestfriend doesn’t affect me or staying alone doesn’t affect but they all did.I’m hurting inside and sometimes all a person ever needs is for someone to truly care about them to give them a tight hug to mend all those broken pieces inside of them.

 I built many walls around me and even rebuked people when they tried to break the wall or get near the wall, I pushed them away but deep inside I wished that they would stay, try harder and tear down all those walls. 

I wished for someone to show me I matter to them more than anyone else ever mattered to them, I never showed it but I always wanted my own happily ever after and after many trials I eventually…got it 

Yaasir Ally,when I first met him I never imagined he would affect my life so much. He was a pest,a parasite rather he just didn’t want to leave me alone.

Always, I mean always either messaging me or  bumping into me as he came to the same University as me. He always made friends with my social circle, he would always hang around places where I do and do stuff I liked to do as extra curricular activities. His constant interference In my life was I routine which soon became a habit to me.

I was always harsh to him, although my heart was softening up for him I never told him or showed him, heck I didn’t dare say it out aloud myself. I wish I had.. 

One day I was in a bad utterly bad mood and I told him off, lectured him to get his own life and leave me alone infront of a huge crowd in a common student restaurant, I insulted him so badly yet he said not one word back just took his keys that was on the table and walked out.

A week went by since the incident.. 

And then a month.. 

And eventually four months … 

Deep down I was worried and cared I wanted to know if he was okay, I wanted to apologize to him in person. I didn’t ever have the guts to admit that although i always said that I hated him I never truly did.

Because no one ever treated me that special ever, no one ever bothered about me as much or made me feel as special like he did.

All he did was for me I mean who would send someone a message everyday knowing that the person will never reply. 

I got a call from my mother while I was at University, she told me to come home early as we have some unexpected guests who wish to see me.

I went home and learnt from my mother that it was a proposal and they were coming for tea in half an hour and that I should go got ready.i tried to argue that I’m still studying and not looking for marriage but my mother heard not one bit of it, so I gave up too.

 I wore a simple abaya and a simple black scarf and no make up.My mom then blurted out that aunty khadeeja is on her way and it will only be her and her son coming. That’s when I realized who was coming for the proposal it was Riyaad…. 

Riyaad the creepy boy who told me he is insanely in love with me in highschool even though I barely knew him.

I couldn’t say anything though it was too late So I went ahead with the samoosa run
I wish I hadn’t..

During the samoosa run, me and Riyaad had like 10 minutes alone time in the other lounge where we were expected to ask and answer eachothers questions. He asked me if I ever kissed anyone? His question Infuriated me but I answered anyway that no I had never and yes I dated Yaasir but he never touched me.

He gave his reply which was yes at our house but I told my mom I need time to think. 

So I made istikharah and said yes after a week. To be honest the reason why I said yes was because Riyaad was perfect husband material according to my family and I didn’t really find any reasonable fault in him to say no so I said yes.

We got married the next month a big fat indian wedding which I didn’t want but my family and his insisted so I gave in.

We had a fairy tale wedding, a fairy tale honeymoon in Greece but unfortunately we didn’t have a fairy tale marriage.

I gave birth to our child in the first year of our marriage, maimoonah our princess but Riyaad and I divorced at the end of our 3 years together.

Maimoonah was only two, everyone was shocked, rumours were flung about my character by my ex-mother in law and ex- in-laws. 

Nobody ever asked me to my face what actually happened everyone just assumes it must be the women’s fault and that’s usually not the case especially in my marriage. 

My marriage was romantic until I gave birth to our child, Riyaad loved me alot, he spoiled me alot too but when the time came to take the responsibility of a father he lacked gravely.. 

I felt like I was the mother and father to maimoonah, he changed also he made me dependent on him for basic necessities and money. He controlled me like I was some asset of his, he would abuse me too sometimes when he was angry due to a loss in business or on something petty maimoonah did or if she cried to much. 

I’m not saying he didn’t love me and maimoonah he did.

But his love, his presence and support was too little in our lives he became too materialistic so much that he didn’t have time to spend with his wife and child. He just kept on running after expanding his family business and making lots of money for us but he failed to realize we needed his time more than anything else.

The day I had enough was the day when he raised his hand on me infront of his whole family and his family said not one word against it. And the reason for raising his hand on me was because he felt his shirt he wore to work still had creases on it. 

He had raised his hand on me before, displaying his false sense of strength and masculinity in private but I kept patience thinking only about our child maimoonah. 

But enough was enough I couldn’t take it anymore I was an adult and more importantly a mom.

I asked for a divorce through a aalim and the divorce was granted after giving many proofs and valid reasons.

I stayed with maimoonah in a flat and raised her by myself for two years. I always battled with my circumstances but I never gave up. I fought to give my child a better future, I never let my pain affect her.

I made Sabr and never complained because even though my marriage didn’t work out and my perfect husband changed I still was gifted with my beautiful baby maimoonah the greatest blessing in my life.

And after two years of my divorce I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Yaasir had asked for my hand in marriage by meeting up with my parents. I declined first because Riyaad had broken my trust in marriage and in love.

But my parents persisted because they argued that maimoonah needs a father so I decided to agree to a meeting and so they arranged a meeting with Yaasir and his parents.

When we met I asked him, why would he want to marry me, I’m divorced and have a four year old child you deserve better.. 

I don’t know what I deserve Zaneerah I just know you didn’t deserve whatever it is you went through. 

You deserved the best always and all you ever got was hell

I loved u than and I love you still. 

And wallahi I have changed Zaneerah.

Trust me, marry me and make me the happiest person in this world. 

So tell me Miss Zaneerah Ismail will you marry me and complete half my Deen? 

And after my istikharah I gave my answer and we got married the Same week. We didn’t have a big fat wedding we just had a nikaah. 

Yaasir made me the happiest person ever, he loved me so much and I loved him just as much we were so insanely Inseparable we felt like two missing pieces of a puzzle that were always meant to join.

We had 6 children together, Zubair, tasmiyyah, humairah, caasim, Zaid and Mohammed but the amazing thing was that Yaasir spoilt maimoonah the most and he never let her feel like she was not his child. 

Yaasir completed me helped me mend what was broken he wasn’t the perfect husband and father but he tried his best and the most important thing is that he loved me till death did us apart 






Post fourty three: And she found home 

As narrated by Shagufta :

At the end of grade 11 I took the leap,a leap that took me a lot of courage. Always at the back of my mind I always wanted to go.to madressa although I barely mentioned it. I took that ‘you either do it or regret leap ‘

I decided on doing an aalima course nearby but not only just doing the course but I also decided on boarding there as well.

Initially I did feel abit out of place but slowly I lost myself into my studies and loved madressa so much that the thought of leaving it made my heart ache. 

With time I started noticing the change in myself, I could see myself as more grateful and less irritable. My teenage Brat-ish behavior was slipping away, I could feel myself maturing.

Time went by and when my third year of studying settled in I didn’t even realize.

If there was one person who really helped me settle it was my first year tafseer apa.

Apa safiyya, I grew immensely attached to her and told her everything I possibly could always observing that boundary of respect and she helped me heal, become a better person and more importantly a better Muslim 

She called me one day privately and I went carefree not having a clue about what Apa wants to speak to me about.I felt comfortable infront of Apa.

She told me to sit and she began to talk about this boy her husband found in the masjid many many years back. I was slightly confused since ever since I have known apa she never really mentioned her personal life to me but I knew better than to question it so I listened instead.

My apa continued 

“This little Boy was so frail, weak and scared. Molana immediately brought him home and gave him some food and organized some warm clothes for him.

For weeks we searched for any sign of relatives or parents but all to vain. So we decided to keep him and legally adopt him after many years of legal rounds that was finally possible.

I raised him up as my own, Oh and I forgot to mention his name is Mohammed Bilaal.

Molana and I tried to keep him away from lots of people and family.Not because we were ashamed that Mohammed Bilaal was of the black race but because we wanted to protect him from people’s minds and words we didn’t want him to grow up in a world of hate and in a world where he feels like we did a favor on him and he doesn’t belong with us.

Mohammed Bilaal is 25 and teaches the small kids sometimes in madressa but is a accountant as well. Recently molana and I are looking for him a wife but people seem hesitant and I know why but my heart still doesn’t understand. 

So Shagufta I haven’t spoken to your parents as yet because I wanted to speak to you first..

Would you want me to speak to my parents about Mohammed Bilaal and your proposal, there’s no pressure you can say no, i’ll give u time and if you say no i will not bring this up to your parents, I promise.

“My Answer is yes apa “,i said confidently.

Shagufta are you sure, if you are I’ll phone your parents today and organize a meeting with the two families and we can see how it goes. 

Apa knows about my family I told apa about them they will be judgemental and they will hurt Apa, I don’t want that to happen. My answer is yes apa for nikaah.

Shagufta I think it would be wise for your parents to meet Mohammed Bilaal and you aswell ofcourse with a mahram present.

My answer is yes apa, I have faith in ALLAH and i have faith in apas’ upbringing.

Mohammed Bilaal and I made nikaah the next week with no reception just a simple walima from apas side.

I saw Mohammed Bilaal for the first time only after nikaah was performed and wallahi I fell in love in that instant.

I know and felt at that very moment I found home, happiness, love and meaning. Mohammed Bilaal absolutely loves parathas just as much as I do, he even makes them for me sometimes to surprise me. We both have so much in common it’s weird, it’s like we were two pieces of the same puzzle that were always meant to join. 

The cherry on top was after the first year of marriage, ALLAH blessed us with two daughters and I named them Yusra and Zaneerah after My two best friends.In the coming years of my life I had 4 more children, Mohammed uthmaan, khadeeja, naeela and humairah. So that makes 6 children in total.

Our marriage didn’t ever have any major problems but we had arguments sometimes but we always sorted it out.our marriage and love grew with the years rather than diminished.

Yes did I forget to mention me and Zaneerah made peace.Zaneerah got married just a few months before I gave birth to my twins and I know that when she gets children her children and mine will be best of friends as well.

Yusra was the last amongst us all to get married but her marriage was one that shocked us all..hopefully she finds home too just like I did.

Authors note :

That’s the end of shagufta for now and I hope I gave her role justice. Who do you think Zaneerah got married to and who do you think Yusra got married to.. 

With love :

Ayesha ❤ 

News about this blog 

Slmz everyone, all my dear readers and supporters…

Soo it’s been quite a while since I have posted and its not that I have forgotten that I have a blog its just that this year is quite quite busy for me and I know I’m disappointing many readers bt writting a post any time this year seems next to impossible. 

However since it’s holidays as soon as I’m home a long post will be on your way to compensate for the year  and for my lack of posts ❤❤


Ps. This blog will nt be deleted I will aim to wrap up the story in a manner which it deserves ❤

With love: Ayesha ❤ 

Post fourty two:This story has a happy ending. 

As narrated by Zaneerah :

Time was flying faster than my poor soul could fathom and adapt to the changes it brought along but some how the rush of time sent a exhilarating vibe of excitement through my body.Change is necessary, painful but necessary. 

Sa’ads wedding day was getting closer and closer and the excitement among everyone was just phenomenal.The atmosphere of the functions we had made me happy, the busyness made me forget all my worries. 

I for one strongly objected most of these functions which in my eyes was just unnecessarily wasteful and extravagant. 

But when you called to help, you help.I made a strong resolve right then and there in my future wedding (hopefully I do get married one day) I would not have any of these silly functions which contradict shariah.

I do admit though that I want a big wedding in which all my family whether far or near can attend so that I get the duas from all. 

Recently Tasneem, Ashley and I had a amazing get together as their matric year had officially ended and they needed a break we opted for a sleep over at my house.It was a memorable night one in which I poured out all my feeling and felt better one where I felt lighter. 

While i was there I remember getting a msg from an unknown number.. 

Unknown number: “hey sorry about earlier on hope you didn’t get hurt.” 

It took me awhile to figure out who it was when I did I was slightly confused as to where he (riyaad) got my number from but I preferred to leave it for later so i could enjoy to the fullest with my bestfriends. 

I forgot to reply as usual. 

After three days I realized that chat was still archived so I just sent a quick reply so as not so be rude.

“Slmz,it’s no big deal really .”

Within a minute or less a reply came or should I say replies 

“Oh thank god I thought you would be upset.”

“how are you?” 

“how was the exams are you excited about going to matric” 

I archived the chat again. I mean no offense but I was in no mood to socialize. 

Anyways back to the present day

Today me,  Maleeha and her cousins are going for some last minute wedding shopping. 

Did I forget to mention, Maleeha is a wonderful girl.You know those girls who are extremely beautiful but have a even more beautiful personality. Yeah that was Maleeha for you a girl who went through alot more than she deserved. A girl who did many wrong but regretted deeply and repented genuinely. 

I can’t even believe how could I have ever disliked her at one point in my life.

Its strange how quickly we form opinions about people and it’s like a slap in the face when they turn out to be the total opposite. In this case it was a good slap,  a slap that reminds you to never dislike someone without getting to know them properly and most importantly TO STOP JUDGING because you never know what battles that soilder has been fighting.

Maleehas cousins and I will be wearing matching dresses,Maleeha insisted.She truly considered me as the sister she never had. 

It’s strange how close we have grown and absolutely weird now that i think i liked her would be husband it feels utterly gross. Mohammed Sa’ad on the other hand always enjoys fighting with us two and teases us on the fact that we so close it’s impossible. 

Another wonderful thing about Maleeha is that Mohammed Sa’ad told her that I liked him and everything there possibly was to tell her and she absolutely did not hold any grudge or even mention it in a mean judgmental way instead she was very chilled and calm. 

Now we come to the main part… 

The wedding. 

It was surreal,something totally out of this world I’m not really refering to the decor, clothes blah blah but words cannot express how perfect that moment was when two people who could have done many haraam or disliked actions came together in the union of marriage of nikaah. 

It was absolutely beautiful to see these two people so close to me each In a different way unite to become one.

When we all brought Maleeha to the hall where Mohammed Sa’ad was waiting for her,his eyes were fixed on her, he didn’t shift his gaze not even for a split second it was like he has fallen in love all over again and time had frozen for him.

He cried.

He had tears in his eyes and the most grateful smile on his face.They hugged and cried and almost made the whole hall cry with them. 

This story had a happily ever after and overcame the hurdles put across their way.

Who knows where this story will lead to?,we leave it in their hands and the hands of taqdeer..   

Authors note:

So it’s been a while since I have posted forgive me, matric can be stressful and leaves you with absolutely no time. 

Mohammed sa’ads story ends here for now.. 

Let me know what you guys think I’d love to know 

NB!! Do read post 41 again if you can a few changes have been made.

With loads of love and duas :Ayesha ❤ 

Post fourty one: some closure at last. 

As narrated by Zaneerah :

Saturdays are usually days I look forward to by just staying at home and ignoring all other forms of living that exist on planet Earth .

Little did I know this Saturday would turn out slightly different for the better in the end ..

Around 2 in the afternoon I heard noices in the lounge, which obviously meant we have guests.
Since I was in no mood to go down and socialize i made a plan to pretend I’m not at home by not making a single noice and maybe they will forget I exist for a little while.

But ofcourse my mother didn’t follow the plan and boom there she goes screaming out my name
“Zaneerah come down!, see who came poppy.”

So ofcourse my plan was foiled by none other than my mummy dearest so I had no option but to oblige so I ran to my cupboard to find a scarf and walked to the lounge.

I was initially tad bit confused when I saw them meaning him and his aunt sitting in my lounge.

My first reaction when I saw Mohammed Sa’ad sitting in the lounge was a smile then I realized we nothing but strangers and my face dropped.
I greeted his aunt and made my way to the kitchen with my mother.

Forcing my tears back i smiled and made normal conversation with my mother but all that was going on in my head was flashbacks..

Flashbacks playing in my head of the last time we met all thanks to idiot face Yaasir.

I will never forget that day I guess it will always hurt hearing the one person you truly love tell you won’t understand what it is to love since you have always been single.

“So nice of them to come visit us Ma, how long they staying in Johannesburg? ” I said asking my mother.

“Not for long I guess as soon as the wedding is done they would go back to Cape Town.” My mum replied.

“Wedding?, but isn’t they came down here for an engagement. Why the wedding so soon?” I said abit too fast but luckily Ma didn’t catch on.

“I don’t know me and your Abba were wondering the same but whatever the reason I’m actually happy, one shouldn’t delay in nikaah.
I even met the girl the other day and she’s so mashallah the two of them will look so good isn’t?” my Ma said with a huge smile on her face.

“Ya they will..”I replied trying very hard not to cry.
“Urr mom, I actually have an important assignment I was working on can I go back up?” i asked.

“Ya sure poppy”, mom replied.

I ran up to my room and cried my heart out wetting my pillow with my tears
Not realizing I was being watched

Someone put their hand on my shoulder I look up and see its him

“What are u doing here?!” i said

“Zaneerah, I just came to say bye.
Are u okay?.”

“Whether I’m okay or not that’s none of your business.” I said in a rather loud tone

“Zaneerah calm down not so loud someone will hear
I need to go now but I’ll phone u, and answer okay.”

After about 2 hours he phoned on my cell phone but I didn’t answer he tried about 2 more times till I answered.

***phonecall***

Z –
“What is your problem?, Don’t you understand I really don’t want to speak to you.”

MS-
“But why Zaneerah what’s wrong? Come on we besties you can’t hide anything from me.”

Z-
“Besties? Are u kidding me? Is this some kind of a joke.”

MS-
“What do you mean.”

Z-
“What I’m trying to say is don’t u ever call yourself my bestfriend again!
My bestfriend died the day you left for Capetown
You not the same anymore.”

MS-
“Zaneerah circumstances change everyone but trust me I’m still your Saadoo.”

Z-
“No you not my Saadoo!
Because if you were him you would have never left me all alone when I needed my bestfriend the most!
My Saadoo wouldn’t just cut me out of my life like you did”

MS-
“Zaneerah, What are you talking about? Okay listen im nearby your house. Come outside.”

__________________________

As narrated by Mohammed Sa’ad :

She finally came out after 15 missed calls and one hoot but even when she sat in the car
She looked at the window avoiding all eye contact with me.

Since when did all of our lives get so complicated I wish we were younger smaller with no worries just fun and naptime as punishment.
Aah the good old days but no time to be reminiscing.

I drove for a while then i thought it’s better if i break the ice

MS-
“Zaneerah, since when do like me?
I mean don’t go and shout the poor soul or go murder him but Yaasir kind of gave it away the last time he made us meet up that you like me.”

And ofcourse no reply, aah I see she’s giving me the cold shoulder as usual but this time I ain’t going to let her if she’s stubborn I’m stubborn-ner i know that’s not really a word but who cares anyway.

MS-
“Zaneerah not everyone in life is given the opportunity to get closure.
I don’t know why or when u started liking me but whatever or whenever it is you need to forget about it and move on. I know it’s not easy but you can’t be stuck on this chapter forever and you will be unless you don’t talk about it now when life’s giving you a chance to talk about it.”

Z-
“Easy for you to say, ‘talk about it to you’ what are you Oprah!” *inserts really dramatic rolling eyes ”

MS-
“What do you mean zeeny?
and hey cut out the sarcastic comments please.”

Z-
“I thought you liked me too..”
She said and I could see she was finding it hard to express her feelings and word them.

Z-
“For once..
I thought someone liked me but,
as usual that is like impossible.

*silence*

why is it so difficult moving on from something that was never yours but felt more precious to you than anything that was yours. ”

MS-
“but Zaneerah we always said ‘we just friends’ and you never told me how you felt how was I supposed to know? .”,I said cutting her out.

Z-
“Falling for you was never planned it just happened everything you did just made me feel special and also because of what you did in Cape Town, I felt special Sa’ad I felt like you genuinely cared for me and liked me.”

MS-
“I admit, I shouldn’t have done what I did in Cape Town.
I guess I gave you wrong hints and I’m extremely ashamed of that.
I can’t really justify what I did but since we being honest here I’d like to confess too that well,you see at that time when you came to Capetown, Maleeha wasn’t in my life anymore.
When I saw u I know this sounds really bad and selfish now that I’m saying it out aloud but
In a way I found a replacement a rebound so to say. I can’t find a better word right now but don’t get me wrong please.”

Z-
“Oh wow! replacement!
Mohammed, I was your best friend and I didn’t expect you to just use me and throw me away as if I’m some used tissue paper.”

MS-
“Look, I’m sorry Zaneerah.”

Z-
“Sorry a five letter word that means nothing to me anymore. I guess but in a way I desevered it for thinking that a guy like you would ever like a girl like me.”

MS-
“Zaneerah you are a wonderful girl but please stop selling yourself short
One day u going to find someone and that someone will see you better than you see yourself and all you gotta do is be you and keep your heart open for someone to make their place in it.
If I ask u for a last gift will u give it to me?”

Z-
” And what is that?. ”

MS-
“First promise you will?.”
Z-
“Okay, promise.”

MS –
“Promise me you will never forget me as your bestfriend
Promise me you will keep all our good memories
But most of all promise me you will keep your heart open for someone worthy enough to steal it princess.”

Z-
“Pinky promise.”

Z-
“Thanks for everything Saadoo and hey drop me off home fast I need to do some shopping my bestfriend is getting married!.”

I said genuinely feeling lighter I know it would a difficult moving on but it’s a road I want to travel because I know the destination will be worth it. 

MS-
“Byes zeeny.”

With that I dropped her home and went to my home as well and somehow I had this strange feeling of peace and happiness that atleast that’s one problem sorted out in a good way.

_______________________
Authors note :
Please do comment and let me know what do you’ll think about the blog or the post or anything I would love to hear from all my silent readers

Loads of love :
Ayesha ❤

Post fourty : The boys p.o.v

As narrated by Yaasir :

I don’t understand girls sometimes, I mean they won’t remember half the time what they ate yesterday but they will definitely remember what you said or did once and then they will overthink and bring it up for the rest of their and your lives.

Weird creatures 🙄.

Like with Zaneerah I don’t get it.
She just fights with me than gets angry and upset at every small little thing.

Even if it may be my attempt to make her smile.
Its really difficult making her smile though it’s like she tries to pretend I don’t exist or something even though we in the same class.

I feel like I’m the punching bag she never acknowledges.
Sometimes i get fed up, like hello i’m human to!
I have feelings, no matter how shocking it may sound.

She’s pushing me away.
The old me would have walked away because for a fact I’m not used to being treated so unwanted but if I go she might just be left alone and I don’t want that.

I want to be the hero for once but not just any hero, her hero.
I want to help her after all in some ways i was responsible for her changing.

She is so cooped up in her own little world she doesn’t see how her frustration and temper is affecting everyone around her.

I want in, in that world of hers.I want to know her in a way no one has ever before.
I want to see the out of school, real Zaneerah. I’m going to make sure i break those high walls she’s drawn so close around her.

It’s time she realizes that problems are not solved by building walls and running away from the problem itself.

I don’t know why I’m doing all this but one thing for sure is whatever the reason may be I’ll never stop trying to be there for her.

          ________________________________

As narrated by Riyaad :

‘Clever boy ‘,  ‘nerd’, ‘goody two shoes’,  ‘perfect son’,  ‘ perfect example’,  blah blah blah.

I’m tired of all these tags, the pressure to live up to everyones expectations and dreams but mines

They don’t realize I just want to live a little, be free, make mistakes for once i just want to feel like everyone else NORMAL not like the perfect machine.

The guys are there for me all the time, I just fit it perfectly there without any pressure.
It’s all so chilled they not bothered or stressing out about grades and not getting In trouble, they so different compared to my previous group of boring friends.

Yusra blocked me on Whatsapp and before that she was going on about how rude I am to her and how she doesn’t need or deserve such negativity in her life.

Like what’s she on about, she’s always the one messaging me not the other way around and like i have a life and  other things to do rather than spending the whole day replying to her stupid messages.

Ya she’s nice and sweet but so what doesn’t mean I need to give special attention to her all the time.

On the other hand I have Zaneerahs number but I haven’t gotten the guts to msg her as yet..

What do I say to her, whatever I say has to be perfect.
I told the guys about her at first a few laughed and told me clearly that we not living in ancient times.If you like the girl go up to her sweet talk, flirt, be the gentleman she’s always wanted and boom you got the girl.

The inner me was telling me that Zaneerah is not so typical and it’s not going to be that easy to win her over.

But I don’t know why I chose to ignore my inner self and listen to the guy’s.
I guess I thought since they almost all have girlfriends they know what they saying.

                ___________________________

As narrated by Mohammed Sa’ad:

Life’s tough, so what!
You just got to up your game and be tougher.

Sometimes life throws in alot of plot twists and at times you got to make certain decisions you may or may not regret in the future.
One such decision I made was to marry Maleeha.

A fact we both know is that it ain’t going to be as  easy as it is in fairytales, movies and stories. It’s a long road ahead of both of us there’s going to be alot of twists and turns but as long as she’s with me, I know I’ll be fine.

The other day Maleeha messaged me after I posted a snap story of me and the guys smoking and she said something that really affected me.

“You burning your lungs but Its killing me, plz stop babe … 😭I love you too much to see you do this to yourself
plz love try for me and our child ”

I’m trying to stop after that limiting myself to fewer cigarettes a day.
It’s really difficult for me to let go of cigarettes since my addiction is so bad but after alot of other difficulties me and Maleeha are finally together and there’s no greater feeling than realizing that the one person you truly love and you are finally going to be together the right way forever.

           ________________________

Authors note :
Okays so I have been missing for a while n didn’t post after my exams as i said I would and I admit to having no valid excuse not to post

That’s why Im extremely extremely sorry 😥🙁
But I’m hoping ppl are still reading and following my blog and i love u all my beloved readers❤

Okays so about the next few posts
It’s abit difficult to round up the story at this point in the story
But inshallah I’ll try my best to write as many posts this holiday and finish of this blog rather than deleting it.

Good news is I might be starting a new blog hopefully a better one with fresher ideas and better writting skills but not soon maybe only after 2017 🙈.

Till the next post keep me in your duas💚

With loads of love :
Ayesha ❤

Post Thirty nine:

As narrated by Zaneerah :

Life is not a movie and definitely not a fairytale in which all love stories end happily ever after.

The difficult part of living in reality is even though your heart seems to be broken beyond repair, your face still reflects a smile that hides the inner loneliness you going through.

Mohammed Sa’ad a guy I tried so hard to forget but truly could never. I kept myself busy the whole time trying to keep my mind away from all the fun times we had together as friends but at the back of my mind they there imprinted on my brain forever .

I was frustrated with myself angry at everyone at myself I had never felt this empty.Why was it so difficult for me to move on from something that was never mines.

I always used to look at Maleehas photos and wonder what does she have that i don’t. Why can’t the people we love, love us back.

I had lost alot in my life,  my Nani, my friends, my bestfriend/love and mostly I lost myself.
I don’t know what could i possibly do to get rid of this void I felt.

Usually some people resort to drugs or maybe smoking or cutting themselves but one thing I know is that those are a few things I can never bring myself to do but what then do people like me do !.

My frustration, my sadness and loneliness all built up to change me from Zaneerah the calm approachable girl to Zaneerah with a short temper before I knew it I started pushing more and more people away and built such big walls around me that it was next to impossible to break.

          __________________________

As narrated by Yusra :

Yusra Ally, yes that’s who I am and who I always will be regardless of who is or isn’t in my life.

Riyaad and I were never anything as Shagufta explained to me when I went to visit her one day, that we are still young damn I’m only 16 for crying out aloud!
I have alot in my life to look forward to besides boys and love.

I’m independent for my age and smart enough to let go of people I read a quote once that said “Why should I be upset?, I have lost someone who didn’t love me. Whereas they lost someone who loved them more than anyone ever could have.”

Everything happens when it’s destined to happen and one day I know I will find someone who is made for me but I know that time is not now.

At times though, I do wonder will I ever get a partner like how I imagine?.

Unlike most girls, I know I don’t dream of a Prince Charming coming to rescue me on his white horse, all I want is a simple modest honest guy whose genuine in his feelings who cares for me and respects me and everyone elder and smaller than him.

Someone to whom I’ll mean the world to, I don’t need him to rescue me from the world I can do that myself I need him to be by my side supporting me through my battles
Someone who falls in love with my scars also.

         _______________________________

As narrated by Shagufta :

They say a girl always looks for her fathers shadow or image in her future husband in my case it’s not exactly true.

When I was young, I would get jealous hearing how most girls would be their fathers angel or princess but on the hand I was also content with the little attention and love I got from my dad but as I grew older that love instead of growing started diminishing.

I may not have any boy problems but I do have family problems, I guess everyone fights a certain battle but it’s these battles that makes us stronger all we have to do is be patient.

Right now at home is like a war zone and you know most normal people usually look forward to going home after school or work but not me I dread it.

I dread having to come home and see my parents fight like cats and dogs, I hate going to school laughing, smiling and not letting a single soul know how difficult it is to pull myself together.

Life is full of challenges, one other challenge that I face and usually normal girls just like me face is society and the emphasis and importance they put on outer beauty rather then inner beauty.

I never get how the human mind works I mean if we have to go and buy a phone do we just look at the phones and see which one looks the best or do we check the features of the phone aswell.

So then why do we treat humans differently..

All my life I have judged because of me being Indian, of my dark skin color , so what if I don’t look picture perfect!?!
Does my personality and goodness count for nothing?
Does my ability to get up everyday smiling, laughing, spreading happiness without complaining to anyone even for a single second about my own grief not count!

As of now I just want to escape somewhere I don’t know where I just want to be anywhere but home.

      ________________________________
As narrated by Layla :

****(on the phone)****

Laila: “Oh my god I know right her shoes didn’t even match her outfit and her hair was so not on point.”

“Laila laaaaailaaaa!!!” My mother scram all the way from the kitchen.

“What ma!, can’t I’m busy argh! ”  I replied quite annoyed at the fact that i had to cut my call because of her.

I flopped back onto my bed and decided to go on instagram after a while of stalking I got bored so went down to the kitchen to see what my mom wanted.

“Finally Madam is free! Sorry for disturbing you next time I’ll make an appointment!” 
my mother said while her voice was thick with sarcasm and irritation.

“Please ma no need to go on now, What did you want earlier?.”I asked

“There’s something very important you need to know, your dad and I well we decided that it’s best for us and you if we move…” My mum said finding it hard to look me in the eye.

“Wait, wait wait move where?,  why?.”

“We moving to London, we can’t tell you why as yet but just understand whatever we are doing is for the best for all of us.”

“No! you have to tell me why! . ”

“No Layla and don’t speak to me In that tone Layla we leaving next week so round up your goodbyes. ”

“This is so unfair ” i said but was interrupted by my mom

“No arguments, Laila go to your f** room.”

With that I went to my room annoyed I called up Stacy and let her know.

After a while we started to talk about how she’s going to throw the coolest farewell party for me and that somehow boosted my mood

       ____________________________
Authors note :

IM REALLY SORRY FOR THE LACK OF POSTS 😥

Soo i really hope you all liked all the girls point of views and whats going on in their lives the next post will be about the boys

But unfortunately the next post will only be after my exams 😭😭😭

Soooo please bare with me ❤

Requesting loads of duas

Ayesha ❤