Authors note :
This post marks the ending of Zaneerahs character…I myself am very sad to end off her character, I hope I did justice to her character and most importantly I hope you’ll enjoyed reading her as a character.
Lots of love :
As narrated by Zaneerah :
My life in high school was a roller coaster and a half, filled with challenges that seemed almost impossible to overcome but don’t all challenges and problems feel impossible to overcome until we actually conquer them?
They always told me that there is light at the end of the dark tunnel but I just couldn’t see it and at one point I had lost all hope of ever seeing the light again.
I gave up the hope of me ever being the old bright, crazy, unpredictable and positive me. Loneliness is a killing feeling, it’s acidic to your soul eats away at your peace and happiness slowly and surely away.
It’s easy to blame people, circumstances and situations for your sadness because finding faults is others is always easier to do than to find the faults within yourself. In highschool and even after I had troubled emotions and behavior because I never truly saw the faults within myself I never stopped blaming people and situations I never set myself free from my problems. When you start to find the faults within yourself you either learn to fix them if they negative or you learn to accept that you are human and you have flaws just as you have talents.
In my life I lost people alot of people, people who I thought would never leave. People I thought I would grow old with, people who I thought I couldn’t live without.People who my world revolved around.
Everyone according to me needs a bestfriend or bestfriends because I know without one life is boring, incomplete and lonely utterly and bitterly lonely. When you have friends but not a single bestfriend you are left with the horrible sinking feeling that everyone has a friend who they would choose over all their other friends and when you don’t have a bestfriend you realize you have no one that would choose you over others. You feel like you just a burden on people, you feel like people may care but nobody cares enough.
I always smiled, came across as if not having many friends or a bestfriend doesn’t affect me or staying alone doesn’t affect but they all did.I’m hurting inside and sometimes all a person ever needs is for someone to truly care about them to give them a tight hug to mend all those broken pieces inside of them.
I built many walls around me and even rebuked people when they tried to break the wall or get near the wall, I pushed them away but deep inside I wished that they would stay, try harder and tear down all those walls.
I wished for someone to show me I matter to them more than anyone else ever mattered to them, I never showed it but I always wanted my own happily ever after and after many trials I eventually…got it
Yaasir Ally,when I first met him I never imagined he would affect my life so much. He was a pest,a parasite rather he just didn’t want to leave me alone.
Always, I mean always either messaging me or bumping into me as he came to the same University as me. He always made friends with my social circle, he would always hang around places where I do and do stuff I liked to do as extra curricular activities. His constant interference In my life was I routine which soon became a habit to me.
I was always harsh to him, although my heart was softening up for him I never told him or showed him, heck I didn’t dare say it out aloud myself. I wish I had..
One day I was in a bad utterly bad mood and I told him off, lectured him to get his own life and leave me alone infront of a huge crowd in a common student restaurant, I insulted him so badly yet he said not one word back just took his keys that was on the table and walked out.
A week went by since the incident..
And then a month..
And eventually four months …
Deep down I was worried and cared I wanted to know if he was okay, I wanted to apologize to him in person. I didn’t ever have the guts to admit that although i always said that I hated him I never truly did.
Because no one ever treated me that special ever, no one ever bothered about me as much or made me feel as special like he did.
All he did was for me I mean who would send someone a message everyday knowing that the person will never reply.
I got a call from my mother while I was at University, she told me to come home early as we have some unexpected guests who wish to see me.
I went home and learnt from my mother that it was a proposal and they were coming for tea in half an hour and that I should go got ready.i tried to argue that I’m still studying and not looking for marriage but my mother heard not one bit of it, so I gave up too.
I wore a simple abaya and a simple black scarf and no make up.My mom then blurted out that aunty khadeeja is on her way and it will only be her and her son coming. That’s when I realized who was coming for the proposal it was Riyaad….
Riyaad the creepy boy who told me he is insanely in love with me in highschool even though I barely knew him.
I couldn’t say anything though it was too late So I went ahead with the samoosa run
I wish I hadn’t..
During the samoosa run, me and Riyaad had like 10 minutes alone time in the other lounge where we were expected to ask and answer eachothers questions. He asked me if I ever kissed anyone? His question Infuriated me but I answered anyway that no I had never and yes I dated Yaasir but he never touched me.
He gave his reply which was yes at our house but I told my mom I need time to think.
So I made istikharah and said yes after a week. To be honest the reason why I said yes was because Riyaad was perfect husband material according to my family and I didn’t really find any reasonable fault in him to say no so I said yes.
We got married the next month a big fat indian wedding which I didn’t want but my family and his insisted so I gave in.
We had a fairy tale wedding, a fairy tale honeymoon in Greece but unfortunately we didn’t have a fairy tale marriage.
I gave birth to our child in the first year of our marriage, maimoonah our princess but Riyaad and I divorced at the end of our 3 years together.
Maimoonah was only two, everyone was shocked, rumours were flung about my character by my ex-mother in law and ex- in-laws.
Nobody ever asked me to my face what actually happened everyone just assumes it must be the women’s fault and that’s usually not the case especially in my marriage.
My marriage was romantic until I gave birth to our child, Riyaad loved me alot, he spoiled me alot too but when the time came to take the responsibility of a father he lacked gravely..
I felt like I was the mother and father to maimoonah, he changed also he made me dependent on him for basic necessities and money. He controlled me like I was some asset of his, he would abuse me too sometimes when he was angry due to a loss in business or on something petty maimoonah did or if she cried to much.
I’m not saying he didn’t love me and maimoonah he did.
But his love, his presence and support was too little in our lives he became too materialistic so much that he didn’t have time to spend with his wife and child. He just kept on running after expanding his family business and making lots of money for us but he failed to realize we needed his time more than anything else.
The day I had enough was the day when he raised his hand on me infront of his whole family and his family said not one word against it. And the reason for raising his hand on me was because he felt his shirt he wore to work still had creases on it.
He had raised his hand on me before, displaying his false sense of strength and masculinity in private but I kept patience thinking only about our child maimoonah.
But enough was enough I couldn’t take it anymore I was an adult and more importantly a mom.
I asked for a divorce through a aalim and the divorce was granted after giving many proofs and valid reasons.
I stayed with maimoonah in a flat and raised her by myself for two years. I always battled with my circumstances but I never gave up. I fought to give my child a better future, I never let my pain affect her.
I made Sabr and never complained because even though my marriage didn’t work out and my perfect husband changed I still was gifted with my beautiful baby maimoonah the greatest blessing in my life.
And after two years of my divorce I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel.
Yaasir had asked for my hand in marriage by meeting up with my parents. I declined first because Riyaad had broken my trust in marriage and in love.
But my parents persisted because they argued that maimoonah needs a father so I decided to agree to a meeting and so they arranged a meeting with Yaasir and his parents.
When we met I asked him, why would he want to marry me, I’m divorced and have a four year old child you deserve better..
I don’t know what I deserve Zaneerah I just know you didn’t deserve whatever it is you went through.
You deserved the best always and all you ever got was hell
I loved u than and I love you still.
And wallahi I have changed Zaneerah.
Trust me, marry me and make me the happiest person in this world.
So tell me Miss Zaneerah Ismail will you marry me and complete half my Deen?
And after my istikharah I gave my answer and we got married the Same week. We didn’t have a big fat wedding we just had a nikaah.
Yaasir made me the happiest person ever. He may not have earned as much as Riyaad But he gave me muvh more, he respected me. he loved me so much and I loved him just as much we were so insanely inseparable we felt like two missing pieces of a puzzle that were always meant to join.
We had 6 children together, Zubair, tasmiyyah, humairah, caasim, Zaid and Mohammed but the amazing thing was that Yaasir spoilt maimoonah the most and he never let her feel like she was not his child.
Yaasir completed me helped me mend what was broken he wasn’t the perfect husband and father but he tried his best and the most important thing is that he loved me till death did us apart